iliyon

and i play it on repeat
until i fall asleep
so sick of this.

basic math.

i own, let’s say, twenty pairs of skinny jeans, and three pairs of shorts.

one pair of shorts are far too short for even me. they’re bootyshorts, aka they’re sleeping material. so two pairs of school-appropriate shorts.

as for jeans. eighteen pairs happen to have holes in them. some have grown, just by the sheer fact when i put my foot in, sometimes it goes into the wrong hole. but never to the extent that i used to see, and never above my fingertips.

take away those eighteen pairs.

i’m left with two jeans. two pairs of jeans i can wear to school. so, my grandma takes me shopping. buys me two more, just so i can have more jeans (without holes). takes away SOME of the stress.

what happens when my four pairs of jeans and two pairs of shorts happen to not get washed before the week’s out? or, weren’t washed last week, so i only had three days worth of pants? however, my closet is BRIMMING with jeans … that i can’t wear because they have a hole or two in them.

i think this is complete bullshit. my mom told me to wear a pair of jeans i wore yesterday. i looked at them, they are not clean enough for me to squeeze another day of wear out of them. i wore my tan shorts, my black jeans, and another pair. two pairs of jeans i currently can not find and i suspect they’re in the laundry room. my other shorts… well let’s just say aunt flo weren’t quite so kind to them, before i even went to school on tuesday.

this being said, this isn’t a protest.
this isn’t me saying FUCK THE SYSTEM.
this is out of necessity.

i will probably be written up. they won’t care that i toiled through my jeans trying to find the least holes on a pair. (two holes. one on each knee. one bigger than the other due to the foot problem. no rips at the bottom, no fraying edges. these are actually nicely-kept jeans. i actually have mostly taken care of them.)

i’m probably going to either get an infraction, or something. i honestly don’t know what they do dresscode violations. because they never give me any. i’m sarah, i hardly break the dresscode. and when i do, it’s  at the very least classyish. my shorts are maybe a few inches too short. or my v-neck is a tiny bit too low. but i fix it when i need to, and nothing perilous is showing. i really just do not have a choice today. i’m just gonna wear a bandshirt, just to try to be modest otherwise. i really haven’t been wearing them, and i think my ptv shirt is feeling lonely with all my v-necks and shit.

there’s really just nothing else i can do. i could put tights on underneath, but i live in florida. it’s hot enough as it it, why wouldn’t i want to be able to breathe. ur crazy.